Discovering What Makes You Uniquely Awesome: The 3-Word Exercise
We live in a world of constant feedback, often focusing on how we can improve. But how often do we get genuine insights into what people value about our work? Asking someone directly, "How am I crushing it?" can feel awkward. This is where the 3-Word Exercise comes in—it’s designed to help you understand what makes you uniquely awesome without the discomfort of fishing for compliments.
If hearing praise makes you uneasy, but you still want to know what stands out about you, this exercise is perfect.
Why This Matters
The usual question, “What am I good at?” often leads to generic responses like, "You're great at getting things done." While that's nice to hear, it doesn't reflect your true value. The silent message is hidden in that statement: "I trust you and how you approach your role." But it’s not enough when you want to discover what makes you exceptional.
This exercise helps uncover the real story—how people describe you when you're not in the room.
How It Works
Identify 3-5 People
These should be colleagues, mentors, sponsors, or your manager. It’s essential to choose people who have seen you in action. Skip asking friends or family—this is a work-related exercise.Do It Verbally
While you could send an email or a text, this works best when done face-to-face or over the phone. If you’re nervous, start with someone you feel comfortable with, but challenge yourself to ask in person for the most authentic responses.Include Your Manager
Your manager's input is crucial—they significantly influence how you're perceived, and their perspective will give you valuable insights into your professional standing.The Ask: 3 Words
Ask them:
"I’ve been challenged to ask you for 3 words to describe me. First, what are 2 positive words you would use to describe me when I’m not in the room? Then, what is one positive word you would use that does NOT describe me?"Pro Tips:
Borrow Confidence: By saying, "I’ve been challenged to ask," you take the pressure off and make it easier for both you and the person responding.
Clarify the Third Word: The first two words will likely come quickly. The third word—something positive that doesn’t describe you—may need a nudge. If they give you a negative word, ask, “If I had a ‘warning label,’ what would it say? And what’s the positive side of that?”
Follow-Up Questions
Once they’ve given you the 3 words, you might ask follow-up questions to gather more context:"What situations do you think I’m best suited for?"
"When do you think I’m at my best?" These follow-up questions will give you richer insights into how others perceive your strengths in different scenarios.
Collect the Answers
Write down all the words in one place to analyze them later.Analyze the Responses
The first two words reflect how people describe you in rooms where you’re not in. These are the qualities they value most about you.
The third word (the positive word that doesn’t describe you) helps you understand how you don’t fit certain expectations. This isn’t bad—it highlights where you might not be a natural fit and gives insight into situations where you might not align with certain roles.
For example, if someone says you’re not “gentle,” it might mean that while you’re capable of being gentle, you’re often seen as someone who pushes people out of their comfort zones. This powerful knowledge tells you where your strengths lie and where you might not align with certain roles.
Reflect
Are the words you received what you want to be known for? Do they align with how you see yourself and where you want to go?Repeat Annually
You evolve, and so does the world around you. Make this a yearly exercise to track how your Tale of Potential shifts over time.
Vulnerability and Growth
It’s important to stay open and curious during this exercise. Receiving feedback about how others perceive you can feel vulnerable, but that vulnerability is where growth happens. Approach the results with curiosity rather than judgment—this is an opportunity to understand better how you’re seen and decide if that aligns with how you want to show up in the world.
What’s Next?
Consider sharing the responses with a trusted mentor or colleague once you’ve collected and reflected on them. Use these insights to refine how you present yourself in projects, meetings, and discussions. This exercise isn’t just about gathering data—it’s about using that data to shape your future.
Remember: It’s an Experiment
Finally, remember that this is an experiment. It’s okay if you feel a bit uncomfortable the first time you try it. The purpose is to learn, grow, and discover how others perceive your value. And the more you repeat it, the more confident you’ll become.
Did you have an “Ah Ha” result?
There’s nothing I love to hear more than the results of experiments like these. Plus, the more examples I have of results in the real world, the more we can share with others about the impact of this simple experience. If you’re up for sharing your before, during, and after story with me, please reach out. You can contact me here.